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kyrieearthisflatCarlos Boozer’s sorry ass is the only thing standing between Lebron James and a 9th or 10th consecutive ring next year. Coach K’s slave plantation curriculum that’s supposed to turn Kyrie Irving into a Duke “man” (just like Carlos!) after 11 full games (we’ll get back to that) apparently not only failed to include the Earth being round, but also any sense of basketball history, including the team that would draft him Number One to replace Lebron James, which is why Kyrie’s number is 2. This ignorance will mean Kyrie Irving is on that Utah Road to Nothingville, sadly.

Kyrie is not the first moron to think he was better, somehow, than Lebron James. The entire NBA went through the “maybe Lebron ain’t all that” routine from Darko Mlicic, to DWade, to Carmelo, even, at one point, Gilbert Arenas, before Carlos Boozer convinced himself, yep, that was him. Then, he ruined every Clevelander’s 2004 summer with this same, pathetic routine. I remember it vividly.

I vividly remember hearing the news on the radio, as I drove off the Shoreway and onto the access road to Whiskey Island for some beach volleyball on a glorious summer night in 2004. The Cavs failed to pick up Carlos Boozer’s extension, trusting Boozer would sign a longer new contract.

The haze began. I remember making the turn from the off ramp to Whiskey Island Drive in silence, turning the volume up on the radio. Nothing. The pause in the newscaster’s voice was so audible, I could hear my own mind race through the litany of Cleveland sports woe in a nanosecond and conclude, before I even got past the marina, Boozer would be gone the next day, which he was. That is how important Carlos Boozer thought he was, how much better he could do without Lebron James.

About those 11, count em, eleven games at Duke. That is why no one discovered that Kyrie Irving is made of glass, and injures predictably, if he is Mr. Big. As he did at Duke after 11 games. This lathered, rinsed, repeated in Cleveland for two seasons before Lebron James returned, took the load off Mr. Big, and transformed Kyrie into the player he was always meant to be. Kyrie’s game puts stress on human anatomy that the human body simply cannot sustain for an 82 game season as Mr. Big. He even broke down in the 2015 Finals. You’d think Lord of All Dukies Coach K woulda noticed that.

So, instead of staying one of the greatest players in the NBA in 2017-18 (as Carlos Boozer was in 2003-2004), Kyrie will join a bunch of scrubs on a rebuild, be injured by December, and eventually sell toothpicks at a baseball card convention in Salt Lake City with Carlos, because that will sell tickets. I’d buy one!